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For the internationally successful
Illbillys, noteworthy events occur at a blistering speed. Thanks to the equally
blistering fastness of dialup internet, we're able to bring you the very latest
of Illbilly goings-on! |
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JB's New Guitar
Posted January 18, 2009
At the behest of his other band ("dude! Git you a REAL guitar already!"), the Venture Rays, JB recently painstakingly researched and eventually selected an electric guitar, a Washburn Scott Ian model, with a "fresh asphalt" finish. "I was looking for something light that looked good, and the Washburn fit the bill," says JB. "Oh yeah, and you can plug it into an amplifier if you want, and it makes noise!" That, too.
What will this mean for the Illbillys? Not a goshdarned thing. JB will continue to play his signature Ovation acoustic onstage, but may resort to his lovely new 'lectric if suddenly every one of the strings on his 'coustic break: Illbilly fans with an interest in seeing this happen are encouraged to bring their own scissors.
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Meet the Newest Illbilly!
Posted December 14, 2008
Work has commenced in the sacred quest to install the proper amount of Illbilly software into Chris Vasi to make him an Illbilly. After their first practice together, Chris showed the admirable qualities of not only playing his instrument with astounding verve and psychological accuracy, but also seemed willing to put up with whatever harebrained frippery was asked of him; such as posing for ridiculous pictures!
He really truly is frightfully good, and the band sounded great...make absolutely certain to catch the Illbillys when they come to your city* in 2009, and prepared to be amazed!
*Assuming your city is either Richmond or Powhatan |
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D-Day For Auditions: December 8
Posted November 30, 2008
JB's placement of an ad in the Richmond Craig's List resulted in twelve responses, most of whom have now auditioned with the Illbillys at Jack's palatial home in south Richmond. Three more are scheduled to audition on Sunday, December 7th, after which the Illbillys will make their fateful decision! Some great musicians have wowed the band with their chops, but thus all have shared two traits: They're all male, and they're all caucasian. The Illbillys' dreams of featuring a hermaphrodite Filipino as a lead guitarist may be in jeopardy, but rest assured, the Illbillys will rock you like a particularly clever, entertaining hurricane once this position is filled. |
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Lead Guitar Auditions: Arooooo!
Posted November 17, 2008
No moss gathers upon the Illbillys. Though capable of effortlessy rockin' the notional house while simultaneously triumphing o'er the forces of evil in their three-member configuration, they're holding auditions for a new lead guitarist!
Two gentlemen were kind enough to share their monster licks this past weekend, and the Illbillys are hoping to audition another couple-few shortly. How long will this process take? WHO CARES!? Well, it would be nice to have a new member in place and furiously pluckin' away in time for the 2008 Beef 'n' Music Festival in the Spring, but don't hold your breath, because it makes your face an unpleasant color that I'm not interested in looking at. |
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Joe: Not Any Mo'
Posted November 1, 2008
The Illbillys' show at Cafe Diem on October 25th of this year was the last one for Joe as a bandmember. Although amusing, none of the following were reasons for his decision to leave the Illbillys:
- His background check finally came back: Twelve convictions for shoplifting
- He has decided to devote all of his time and effort to his true calling: Mashed-potato sculpture
- He asked for a raise, and the rest of the band thought the $250,000 he was already getting per show was more than enough
- The band inexplicably wasn't playing enough Beatles songs to satisfy his needs
- The band's anal, perfectionist attitudes in reference to sound clashed with his easy, freewheeling nature
Noo, his decision had more to do with a desire to spend more of his time with his family, which is in the process of largening, and to concentrate more on recording than performing... and to play music that's closer to his heart, i.e. southern rock, which the Illbillys would sooner immolate themselves than embrace.
Joe played a vital role as built-in soundman as well as lead guitarist for the Illbillys for two years, and his presence will be missed. The presence of his lovely daughter Morgan and equally lovely girlfriend Luanne will be missed as well, both of whom helped the Illbilly cause over the years by taking excellent pix at shows.
Joe has expressed an interest in acting as Occasional Sound Dude for the Illbillys in situations of need, which may just come in handy when Beef & Music season rolls around again in the spring! |
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Non-Illbillys Practice with Illbillys
Posted September 15, 2008
September 14th saw two non-Illbillys permitted into the sacred sanctuary of Illbillydom: Bassist Steve and vocalist Kathryn practiced two songs that they'll perform at Powhatan High School's 1988 Class Reunion on October 18th with the Illbillys! Peter was permitted on the premesis as well, in a vaguely supportive role. Since everybody who'll be attending that reunion is SURE to be here snooping to find out what songs they are, I'll just say nyah frickin' nyah, I'm not tellin'. |
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Neon Strobe Union
Posted September 15, 2008
Those who witness the percussive antics of Jack onstage as an Illbilly might never realize that, within that sinewy, tattooed body lies the heart of a composer! Yes, Jack's been hard at work listening to his inner muse, and laboriously recording his observations at Casa de Joe. His original songs are available for your perusal at his dedicated Myspace page. Thus far his original hits by the original artists are "Yoga Girl," "Secret Beach," "Mindless Game" and "Kitty-Kat-O-Matic." Download 'em before they're all gone!
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Cya, hat!
Posted September 5, 2008
On August 21st of this year, the iconic official Illbilly hat of bassist Peter was tragically ripped from his head by the savage winds of Cape Hatteras and deposited into the sound. He, JB and mini-Jeter Jake had just loaded themselves onto the Ocracoke Ferry and walked to the bow of the ship, whereupon the hat, a familiar and beloved sight to all Illbilly fans, flew from his head and was instantly blown out of reach into the water.
"It floated merrily about as we waited for the ferry to leave," reports the hatless bass player. "Leaping from the ferry to retrieve my hat crossed my mind for approximately 1/789th of a second, before I realized how ridiculous, though heartbreakingly heroic, this action would have been."
Though the hat was undeniably moving in the direction of a Coast Guard station when they last saw it, none of the people Peter, JB and Jake later queried about the possibility of hat recovery seemed particularly interested in the by now sunburn-headed Peter's plight. It was almost as though dumbass tourists losing their hats was a common occurence or something. |
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Horrifyingly, Peter was forced to perform as an Illbilly without a proper hat on August 29th at Woodlake...and though the crowd was polite enough, there was obviously something missing.
Fear not: The hat has now been replaced. |
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JB the Venture Ray!
Posted July 10, 2008
JB has emerged victorious from the worldwide search the Venture Rays' new lead singer! "It was really a surprise," JB reports. "I wasn't even aware I was nominated for the post, and here I was elected to it! They just called one day and were like, 'Dude! You're it!' ...and I was required by law to go sing for them."
JB tells us that the Venture Rays is a cover band that plays more contemporary music than do the Illbillys (who play precisely no contemporary music whatsoever, unless you count "Spiderman," though there's absolutely no reason you should). He tells us that it's been a challenge to learn some of their material, but a pleasure nonetheless. Though the Venture Rays play out a bit more frequently than the Illbillys, he doesn't foresee much in the way of scheduling conflicts. He assures the world at large that his life as an Illbilly will continue unabated. |
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